I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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