I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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