Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
