I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
