yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
