Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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