i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
