i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
