dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
