How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
