Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
