Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize