I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
