Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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