best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
