When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
