The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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