apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
