Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
