I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who died my cat blue again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
