I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was CRYING into my vagina
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
