Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
