Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
