Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
