hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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