If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The best revenge is premature balding
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
