i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
