drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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