i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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