At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
