Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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