I want to stick my p in your. b.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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