Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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