I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
