I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you never un-have a 4some
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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