I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize