Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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