Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
