No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
