i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
