I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
