I want to have your abortion
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Mom said you looked used
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
