there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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