Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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