Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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