How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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