If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
