Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
