I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
