go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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