he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
