She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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