i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
God, I missed his penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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