Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
