OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
