reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize