I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to align my fucking chakras
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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