she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize