He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
