I wannas sexs uuuuu
I met the friendliest cop last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
