Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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