the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
