i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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