Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he thought i was a dude.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
