Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
