my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
