It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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