Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
