guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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