he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
