Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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