my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think people are normalizing furries
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