So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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