i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
