Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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