Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
