when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
