I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
