I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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