In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
