I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
