Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
