I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
