3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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