To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
