Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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