It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
